I always say that raising three children is a juggling act. In three ball juggling, there is never a moment when all three balls are in the air simultaneously and that’s pretty much how it is with my three kids. If I can get two of them in the air, or in my analogy, concern-free, then the third is at the bottom and needs a boost up. Not to say that any of my children have huge issues or troubles, but more just a matter of dealing with the curves that life throws at them. Periodically, each of them needs a little parental support and my husband and I are happy to give it. That was the deal when we signed on to be parents. We knew it was a lifelong commitment.
My husband and I always wanted three children. When our first two children were born, we were over the moon with happiness, but in our hearts we knew we had room for one more. When I was pregnant with our third child, a wise friend informed me, that having three kids was not just a simple equation of 2 + 1 = 3, it was more like the chaos theory. Her point was that with two children you achieve equilibrium because you have one hand for each child. With three, there’s always one on the loose and you’re always off balance. Without a doubt, having three is challenging just by virtue of being an odd number. Pairing up for amusement park rides is awkward, packaged toys are often packed in twos, and the two-against-one argument is commonplace.
The thing about having three children is that there has to be one in the middle. Being a middle child myself, I know about threes. I am sandwiched between an older sister and a younger brother, so I am well aware of birth order characteristics. My sister, the oldest child, definitely has the leadership characteristic stamped in her DNA and my brother, the baby of the family, is characteristically comical and entertaining. As for me, three, yes, three, middle child characteristics jumped off the list when I first read it. “Creative.” Yes, I am creative – that’s why I’m a blogger! “Doesn’t like to follow authority.” Hmm, I view it more like I have a lot of questions for authority. “They can usually read people well, they are peacemakers who see all sides of a situation.” I’ve certainly had on the job training as peacemaker in my family.
As a kid, I thought I would never have three children, because I didn’t want to create a middle child. Obviously my husband convinced me otherwise. But as I raised my children, I made a concerted effort to be especially fair to my middle child. The tough thing, though, is life is not fair and will never be fair, so maybe I should have taught my middle child that lesson instead from the get-go. From a middle child’s perspective, it’s all about expectation, therefore middle children are better off if they have no expectations and then they can be pleasantly surprised.
If I had to do it over again, I would still have three, because I cannot imagine my life without anyone one of my children. They are three wonderful individuals marching to their own drumbeats who every now and then need a boost from their parents to get back in the air. Who will be up and who will be down next? Your guess is as good as mine.
What about this? 
Lunch With Mom
Posted in About me, Aging, Community, Helping Others, Parenting, tagged commentary, culture, family, friends, iChat, parents, seniors, Skype, technology, video, video conferencing on November 2, 2009| Leave a Comment »
My mother and I had lunch together the other day. We ate, we laughed, and we had a great time just being together. The only thing that would have been better is if we were in the same room. My mother lives about two-and-a-half hours away from me, so we lunched together via the magic of computers.
About a month ago my sister and I purchased my mother a new iMac. She’s no stranger to computers, but this new one is faster and has more bells and whistles, including a built-in video camera. Using the iChat video conferencing feature, we were able to sit at our desks that day and eat our sandwiches and carry on a face-to-face conversation. Also, by pivoting her computer screen around, the computer camera could scan the room, and show me the new furniture in her office, as well as my dad sitting in his recliner waving to me and watching television.
Despite her lack of formal computer training, my mom’s been an eager student and has become quite adept at Googling information, emailing her friends, working on Excel spreadsheets, and instant messaging and Skyping with family members all around the country. The screen grab above shows a three-way video conference with three generations of us laughing and having a good time. It’s been wonderful to see her empowered by her new knowledge of computer technology and it’s been a blessing for me to be able to spend time with my parents everyday.
Video conferencing could have a huge positive impact on senior citizens in general, but especially so for those who live in senior care facilities. The loneliness of these seniors is palpable. I volunteered in a senior assisted care facility for several years and found it difficult to observe residents who never had visitors. Wouldn’t if be wonderful if these senior facilities had video conferencing capable computers on site so that the residents could stay connected to the world by having video visits with friends and family? Of course, I know that this requires their friends and families also to have these types of computers, but I’m a dreamer and always believe that if there’s a will, there’s a way. Considering there are computers everywhere – surely neighbors, friends, employers all might be willing to share their computers periodically for these priceless visits.
Nothing can ever replace an in person visit, but sharing time together in any form possible is valuable. Thanks to computer technology, we have at our disposal the ability to stay connected with everyone we care about. With applications like iChat and Skype, which have basic services for free, we have few excuses not to include seniors as part of our connected group. So what about this – buy a relative you’d love to see more often a computer video camera for the upcoming holidays?
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