“How long are you going to stay?” I asked my oldest son who was home for a visit. Sitting on the family room sofa with his eyes glued to his laptop computer and his fingers rapidly moving across the keyboard, he nonchalantly said, “Only a couple of days. I have to get home.” For a split second I wanted to say, “Wait . . . this is your home . . . ” but I caught myself and calmly replied, “Okay.” Intellectually, I knew what he said was true – he hadn’t lived here for some time – but emotionally it was hard for me to digest. For some reason I hadn’t seen it coming; I hadn’t prepared myself for the day when my children would no longer consider this family home their home. That particular conversation took place several years ago and now I find those same emotions beginning to resurface.
A rubber skeleton, four years worth of high school prom photos, a pair of gold sneakers with wings, ceramic projects, a blue rope light, stacks of college books and papers, and a closet full of clothes no longer worn are all that’s left in my second son’s room. As I searched his room for things that I could pack and take over to his newly purchased home, reality hit me again. His room, this once messy boy’s room, is no longer just that and this home, this once chaotic, busy home, is no longer his home.
Again, it’s not like he’s lived at home for a while now, so I should be used to him being gone. For the last eight years, he’s lived in dormitories, apartments, and condos, but because those residences were deemed temporary, his home was always our family home, at least in my mind. Now he has a new house, a new place to call his home.
Purchasing your first home is a huge milestone. Who doesn’t remember the excitement of owning your first place? I’m ecstatic for him and his girlfriend of nine years, because I know big plans lie ahead and good things are coming their way. And having one of my children settling down not too far from our family home is this parent’s dream and consolation for the momentary sense of loss I feel.
Another positive way of looking at things is that by his buying a house, I’m not losing another child from my home, but I’m gaining another room! I’ve always wanted a workroom that I could spread out and create in and now that can become a reality. The family room wet bar, once my craft area, can now go back to its original purpose. My husband, too, is regaining valuable real estate by taking two bikes and a rusty lawn mower out of our garage and over to our son’s garage.
At some point in time all my children will be happily ensconced in their own homes. These rites of passage will be excitedly met by them and joyfully accepted by me and my husband. Time marches on and things constantly change, but don’t mind me, if I occasionally slip back in time and remember the way we were.
What about this? 
Linnell,
You have so eloquently expressed what so many of us that been feeling. Thank you!
Suzanne – I knew I wasn’t the only one experiencing those emotions and it was cathartic to write about them. Thanks again to Gary for the thorough inspection of the house!
Linnell
So true. You made me cry…. You are wonderful writer.
Kate, I got a little teary-eyed, too, while writing this piece.
Nell,
Your article is a piece of ART. I felt the same way when all three of my children went off to school, or moved into their own homes. Tho lucky for us, ( or was it??), (we were working hard to pay your tuition), we didn’t have the joy (?) of renting a U-Haul and/or back breaking tasks of carrying furniture up 3 flights of stairs.
Your insight has always been right on. I’m very proud of you.
Love, Dad
P.S. Not because of my age, but I too occasionally slip back in time and try to remember the way we were, and I smile.
Dad,
Thanks for the heartfelt comment – it means a great deal to me. Like the Chinese proverb says,”To understand a parent’s love, bear your own children,” I really did not fully appreciate you and mom until I had children of my own. Your sacrifices have not gone unnoticed and the tremendous love and dedication you have for each other and for your family is truly inspirational and constantly colors my outlook on life.
Love,
Linnell
[…] fun, but also because the mere mention of cookies made us happy! In a post I wrote last week called The Way We Were, I mentioned that one of my sons and his girlfriend just bought their first home. I wanted to give […]