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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Quick, how many words can you think of that contain the word “size”? I’ll get you started with capsize, apotheosize, emphasize, downsize, supersized, fantasize, hypothesize, oversized, sizeably, synthesized . . . Okay you take over!

#1 – Calorie Counter
At Calorie Lab you can type in almost any food and it will pull up different calorie counts for that item, depending on restaurant or manufacturer. Alternatively, you can look up a restaurant and search the menu for calorie counts. For example, I typed in lasagna and it pulled up a long list of frozen and restaurant prepared lasagnas and their corresponding calorie counts.

#2 – Making Sense of Portion Sizes
Here’s another site that helps you to make good choices. Meals Matter is a website that has a wealth of information on nutrition, healthy living, meal planning, recipes, creating a cookbook, and personal fitness planning. I read an article called Making Sense of Portions Sizes which has suggestions to help you remember portion sizes:

If you are confused when reading a food label, try relating the portion size of a serving to everyday items. It is an easy way to visualize what a true portion size looks like.
  • Woman’s fist or baseball—a serving of vegetables or fruit is about the size of your fist
  • A rounded handful—about one half cup cooked or raw veggies or cut fruit, a piece of fruit, or ½ cup of cooked rice or pasta – this is a good measure for a snack serving, such as chips or pretzels
  • Deck of cards—a serving of meat, fish or poultry or the palm of your hand (don’t count your fingers!) – for example, one chicken breast, ¼ pound hamburger patty or a medium pork chop
  • Golf ball or large egg—one quarter cup of dried fruit or nuts
  • Tennis ball—about one half cup of ice cream
  • Computer mouse—about the size of a small baked potato
  • Compact disc—about the size of one serving of pancake or small waffle
  • Thumb tip—about one teaspoon of peanut butter
  • Six dice—a serving of cheese
  • Check book—a serving of fish (approximately 3 oz.)

#3 – Mattress Fit for a King
Do your bed sheets never seem to fit? My main issue is that when I am shopping for sheets, I can never remember which king-sized mattress I have. So here’s a little refresher course on mattress sizes for anyone who gets as confused as I do.

King = 76″ wide by 80″ long

California King = 72″ wide by 84″ long (narrower and longer)

Queen = 60″ wide by 80″ long

Full (double or standard) = 54″ wide by 75″ long

Twin = 39″ wide by 75″ long

Okay, my mattress measures 72″ wide by 80″ long – so what size is that?

#4 – Expand Your View of the World
Cool Things In Random Places has great photos of fascinating things in the world. If you need to unwind, just spend a couple of minutes looking through some of these photos!

#5 – A Sizable Quote
“You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth. ”
– Shira Tehrani –

Hope you find all your Easter eggs this weekend! And remember, not to put all your eggs in one basket!

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#1 – Making Peace, Cards That Is
P1090113_1Being a flower child of the ’70s, I decided to make birthday cards for my sister-in-law and for a friend utilizing paper punches and scraps again, but this time designing them to be in the shape of peace signs. The heart-shaped peace sign was made by stacking large and small, flower-shaped punch-outs from Astrobright paper. The round traditional peace sign consisted of stars punched out of an outdated Hawaiian calender, then color grouped and mounted onto pearlized cream and lustrous aquamarine papers.

#2 – Leftover Halloween Candy Needed
I read an article in my local newspaper about different uses for leftover Halloween candy. The one suggestion that caught my eye was sending the candy to Operation Gratitude. Operation Gratitude will take the candy and put them together with other items to make care packages for American troops. Checking out the website: http://www.OperationGratitude.com, I found that not only did OG need our candy, but it also pleaded, “At this time, our most urgent need is for personal letters, hand-made scarves, Beanie Babies and financial donations to pay for postage.” If you send your candy to OG, why not include a few personal notes? The holidays are coming up for our soldiers, too.

The newspaper article mentions to ship candy by December 5th to:
Operation Gratitude/California
Army National Guard
17330 Victory Blvd.
Van Nuys, CA 91406
Attn: Charlie Othold

#3 – Bet You Didn’t Know This?
I’m just a fountain of information today, but did you know that Ralph Macchio, the Karate Kid, turned 48 this week! This makes me feel old! My sons used to watch his movies and mimicked his famous “crane” move over and over again. And who could ever forget Mr. Miyagi’s “Wax on, wax off” martial arts lesson? Using that strategy didn’t help me back then, when I tried to get my sons to wash our car!

#4 – Are Store Brands As Good As Name Brands? – Bob’s Market Tip
Most of the time, yes. Generally, the quality is the same, but items are just labeled differently. Store brand items are packed by the same companies that pack major brands and store brands cost less because no promotion is needed and they come directly to the store from a warehouse, therefore requiring no middleman. Do not be afraid to experiment. If you find the product meets your standards, you can save a significant amount of money off of your annual grocery bill. Try performing blind taste tests at home to see if store brands taste better than the name brand products. Even Best Foods Real Mayonnaise is packed by a company that packs for private labels.

#5 – A Peace Quote by Jimi Hendrix

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

Peace to all this weekend.

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“I have fifteen friends now!” I shout to my husband and then laughingly add, “You only have four!” Prodded by friends, my husband and I joined the spectator sport of Facebook. I opened an account a few weeks ago and in doing so I found I am Facebook-challenged. I am reluctant to put out personal information on my profile page, but my son tells me, “How are people going to find you, if you don’t tell them who you are?” That is challenge number one for me. Do I want to be found? Am I lost? Do I want aspects of my quiet life open for world viewing?

Challenge number two: The whole idea of adding or removing friends makes me feel like I’m in elementary school again. Who do I ask to be my friends? Are my feelings going to be hurt if someone doesn’t want to be my friend? Is it about having the most friends and being popular?

Challenge number three: Do I really want to know about the crazy things my kids are doing? Not really. For that matter, they don’t want me to know what they are up to, either! Begrudgingly they all accepted me as their Facebook friend. Do I like being a snoop? Maybe just a little!

Challenge number four: Facebook seems like an alter world to me. It’s like a maze with many different pathways, and often times I can’t figure out how I even got to a site. Then there are the cafes, farms, aquariums, roller coasters, tokens, Halloween treats, hearts, and hugs – all of which I’ve not figured out, yet. My kids get calls from me with questions like, “I got a heart today, should I accept it?” or “Somehow dad accidentally set up two Facebook accounts and now he has two walls, but he can only see one wall and people are writing on the other wall . . . !” What have I gotten myself into?

Facebook is like joining a worldwide playground. I still have a lot to learn about its offerings, but in the meantime, I enjoy reading the comments and viewing the photos that my friends and family share. I’ve found delight in establishing contact with friends from long ago. And one of these days, I may even play the World Cafe game, because the food sounds so good and it’s low in calories!

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The leaves are turning varying shades of brown and are dropping one by one. I’m not referring to the oak trees that line my yard, but to my tomato plants. It’s that time of the year when summer’s bounty comes to an end. Summer’s bounty? I hardly think my harvest qualifies to be called a bounty. Here’s an accurate recap of my harvest: My cherry tomatoes were not so cheery; my peppers were only a little peppy; my zucchini zeroed-out; and my cukes went cuckoo. I’ll be the first to admit that I have a brown thumb, a dark chocolate brown one to be exact.

Every year I have this primal need to grow vegetables and live off the fat of the land. This year I went to great lengths and purchased Earth Boxes after seeing the glorious ads of luscious tomato plants growing skyward and after reading scores of testimonials from people reaping bushels worth of produce. I set the boxes on the south side of my yard so they would receive plenty of nice hot summer sun. Following the directions exactly, by adding fertilizer strips and attaching drip irrigation lines to the water tube, I had great expectations. As each little blossom of potential fruit developed, I marveled at the miracle of nature. Then disaster inevitably happened. Appearing like a light dusting of snow on the leaves of my plants, white flies came from out of nowhere and sucked the life juices from the besieged plants. Bees started avoiding my crops. Were my crops inhospitable? I was forced to perform cross pollination on my zucchini blossoms using a not so scientific looking elementary school paint brush. Large and lovely tomatoes would form to perfection only to have their beauty marred by the ugly brown spots of blossom end rot.

My sister-in-law and I were lamenting the other day about the failures of our summer vegetable gardens. The only tomato plant that had performed well for her was a neglected rogue volunteer in the corner of her yard. I recited my gardening woes to her and humorously said that my husband and I could not live off the fat of the land unless we could survive on rosemary, which is the only plant that seems to grow without any effort on our part. She laughed and suggested I write a post on 101 uses for rosemary. That’s a challenge for the future!

Here’s a photo that puts my gardening skills into perspective. Although, I was very appreciative of my pepper plant’s effort to produce something, it was certainly not on a grand scale, especially when compared to it’s market counterpart!
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I’d love to hear your vegetable garden “success” stories!

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